Monday, March 31, 2014

20 weeks no wait 21... ummm

Ask of our ultrasounds and my last menstral cycle says that I'm due August 10th.I had one ultrasound in the beginning with the twins that showed a later due date so ultimately we are not sure when this little girl is going to be here. She's measuring 21 weeks and is super super active... and I'm feeling great!



Tuesday, March 25, 2014

20 weeks oh MY!

This Friday I will be 20 weeks pregnant with our baby girl. So much has happened the last few months but at the same nothing much at all. For a while I was having contractions and pains just like Finnegan. Went in a few times to the clinic and they confirmed but there was nothing much I could do but be on modified bed rest. So for the last 4-5 weeks Ive been taking it easy and only picked up one shift at the nursing home last week.  I did a short shift and paced myself. (even tho I was told I wasn't) lol.


And besides being sore from my nerve I did good. A few little cramps but nothing I would be concerned about so this next month I already filled up my calender with some shifts. I'm not sure what made my pregnancy with Finn so touchy but this one is starting to ease up a bit. Ive eliminated alot stress and that's helped greatly and I tend to ask for more help around the house (which I DONT do) and thats helped with the extra lifting and bending. This little girl is growing like a weed. Ive been feeling her kick for some time now and the last 2 weeks I have been able to feel her on the outside of my tummy.                               Here is a 19 1/2 weeks picture of me

19 1/2 weeks with our baby girl


20 weeks
 Finnegan



16 weeks 




I can't believe he's going to be 9 months on the 5th. Here are some pictures I saved from mommys pages and some she has sent to me... the kids like to see him from time to time







Little man loves to eat and from what mommy says he is so close to walking. I'm so lucky I am able to watch him grow up not many other surrogates gets get to be as lucky. And what can I say I like showing him off just like my own..I can't help it look at those chubby cheeks hehe

We have our 20 week ultrasound this Friday and we also get to confirm once again its a girl. I already have her bed room all set up besides a few little things here and there and some more clothes.                I'm prepared just in case it turns into anything like Finnegan.

The kids are doing great. Going to school and waiting... waiting .. waiting for summer. I cant wait to clean up my garden and get started on some yard work in the warm sun shine!!

Friday, January 17, 2014

New year

Happy New year everyone.. I know it's a little late but at least it's not weeks lol. Well I had another U/S and one of the twins stopped developing. It was a flash back of Finn but much earlier then with him. It was hard... extremely hard. I keep having dreams about both twins and my mom and papa. I have cut people out of my life and I must say it's really cleared my head and helped me see what I need to do and where I need to be. I'm still working as an on call and hours are few and far between, I'm looking at other options because of it.....

Online classes
Daycare (even over nights)
Different nursing home
Even Looking into changing up my whole career choices...

I've been praying hard about all this and so much more.

New year's kids I baby sat

Christmas gifts from Sam and the family
I'm starting to really show and my tummy is getting harder. I'm craving spicy foods and tons of fruit. Anything fruity really. Healthy and not so much like fruit snacks lol.
So far now unless I'm stressed I hardly ever get nauseated. I do get light headed when I stand up and I don't remember that happening much until later on in my previous pregnancies. It's so true each one is different but some things stay the same. At this point I would guess a girl. I'm ok with what ever ;)

I already have my heart set on first names but I'm still keeping an open mind to other ones.

I think this time we will keep the sex a secret... let's see if I can do it!

Monday, December 16, 2013

we have some exciting news

We are pregnant! AND it's TWINS. Twins run in my family so this doesn't surprise me. I am very shocked and I  have mix emotions with the timing but leaving it all up to God. This is HIS plan. It brings me back to being pregnant with the twins before and I'm so afraid of losing one like Sam lost one of hers. I almost feel guilty it's TWINS. I don't know if this is normal or not but what is my life? Far from normal that's for sure. I am sick all the time but not as often as before. Every thing else is the same. Acne weight gain some days loss others. Now we wait. I go back the Friday after Christmas for another ultrasound. I'm always expecting bad news so pray for peace.



Staying busy at the Y

Olivia turned 4. Can't believe my baby is 4

Painted my bathroom. So much better then the ugly blue

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

giving thanks

Everything here has been going smoothly. A year ago Sam was busting with excitement of the twins and now finny is here. I can't believe it. We are all doing great. We went to Fargo a few weekends back to get pictures done by Sam. They turned out amazing. He is one good lookin boy. Chunky and full of cuddles. We went to dinner and talked about the last year. Finding out a lot of my thoughts and feelings are the same as hers. Still sharing the same thoughts and feelings like when I was pregnant. Moments I treasure.



Then after I went for another visit but this time for a damsel in distress party. Something like that. They sell stuff for self defense. I bought a taser..hehe. Here are SOME of the pictures I got.

Such a wonderful mommy

He wasn't having the bottle yet that was for sure

Smiles for manda


I got quiet snuggle time with him too. It's moments like these that I am so blessed I have. Not many surrogates get this opportunity to have this close of a relationship with their families and surrogate baby. I get sad here and there missing Sam's close companionship when I was pregnant but I know that that was part of the deal. And I still have so much more then so many others so for that I am THANKFUL. This little boy has so much love pouring onto him he will never know what it is to be alone or unloved.Watching Sam work her magic taking care of him ...priceless. Still no motherly bond or needyness from me. I was more the ok he's not happy go to mommy feelings lol. I'm anxiously wanting to be pregnant again. In a weird way.. I can't wait to give him his Christmas gifts.

Well I'm still waiting to see what happens with my health. My heart stuff has acted up again. A trip by ambulance multiple tests ekg a stress echo and back on beta blockers. We are working our way to hopefully figuring this crap out soon. Heart palpitations pvc's pva's pain. It may all be ok and not dangerous just bothersome.it could be more. I'm not sure yet. My Dr is even stumped since some of what's happening to me she hasn't even seen before. So prayers are definitely appreciated. 

A few months back I got a call from Sam saying on the minds of moms was doing a story on her and wanted me to do an interview. I said sure. I emailed them and answered all their questions. Onthemindsofmoms.com

It turned out amazing. I can't wait to get a paper copy. Eee

Well I'm off to bed. I hope every one has a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

the last time

I cant believe its coming up to a year that my world changed once again but in more ways then expected. This coming weekend  it will be a year since my papa fell off his ladder and got flown down to St Cloud ICU. Watching him live off of life support was the worst moments of my life next to losing my mother. Then hearing there was nothing more they could do we had to take him off... Nightmare. The fallowing week was the funeral as well as the transfer. There was no turning back. We had to do it regardless of the funeral. The transfer landed on the day of the wake and the funeral the next day while I was on bed rest. I didn't know I only hoped one of the little ones would stick. I truly believe papa had his hand in them growing in my belly. He was one of the few people that fully supported me in being a surrogate. Others where positive and happy I was doing such a thing but wasn't there after the first loss or the heart break like he was. He was my rock. He was the one who loved me when I was hard to love. When I lost my own baby and lost Sam's he was the one who called every day. Who invited me over for dinner and cared if my heart broke. God I miss him so much. It feels as if the last year hasn't moved at all in a times sense. Some things that needed to be done arnt. Ive seen a darkness in people that's done nothing but sicken me to the core. I need peace and I need to try and move my life in the direction he would want me to go in. Finnegan Saved me when I could of easily fallen apart. I was strong when I had my children but when I left for my appointments or anything away from them Finnegan was the one who needed me. He reminded me of the beginning of life and papa was the end. Life was short and I needed to live it to the best that I could. I made mistakes that where mine alone. I had dreams that I needed to fallow and I am now in the process of fallowing one and that's going back to school for nursing. 

I'm Heading To Fargo On Thursday For Sam To Take Pictures Of Us. And Of course See Finnegan. This Is A Very Much Needed Trip. Trying To Stay Positive This Next Week....

papa and i




It
My Girl Friends Wedding This Last Weekend




Sunday, September 29, 2013

Baptism

Sept 8th we went to Fargo for Finny's baptism. Nick had to work that weekend and couldn't find anyone to switch with him so it was just the kiddos and I. I was so excited when Sam messaged me about the baptism still in disbelief that I am actually invited to something so special and after have lunch with her family. I sat and admired everyone loving him up that day. Feeling those moments after he was born all over again. I would lie if I said I didnt tear up a time or two. Hes getting so big I couldn't believe it when she placed him in my arms how much hes grown. Time goes by way to fast that's for sure..

we couldnt of had a trip with out some excitement could we.. ? Nope most definitely not. After the Baptism Sam wanted to get a couple pictures. In litterly a second Thomas was gone. I ran through the church frantic with every second going by I got more and more scared. Thomas has a tendency of "fleeing" places or wandering. Well Jack decided to check outside.. and sure enough he was out in the parking lot. He thought we left and he went looking for us. Jack was so calm while tears filled my eyes as soon as I saw him. Such a great daddy he is. =) He knew exactly what to say to make me feel better.

After the pictures we went to a restaurant to have some lunch. The food was really good and the waiter was great too. Thomas was pretty over stimulated by this time so it was hard for him to relax, eventually he did eat some and the kids ( Jack and Sams girls and my 2) played for a while before we had to head back home. Finny slept the whole time. I had the hardest time trying to figure out what to get him for his baptism gift. It had to be perfect and something he can keep forever... I got him a baptismal Stuffed lamb. It had a cross on its foot and super soft. I thought he is a precious little lamb. so sweet and soft and the meaning behind it all went perfect as well. But I couldnt forget about his twin. That baby was with us even if it was for a short time. Along with Finnys other brothers/sisters are resting in the arms of our savior until one day we will all be together again. Maybe some people think its too much. That maybe its being too into it emotionally, but I dont think so. I also got an angel.. a remembrance angel (like precious moments) to remember all the little ones that are waiting. I had to remember them. I still think of the baby I lost so earlie on and I wonder myself what could of been and that it still is my baby. Anyone whos lost a child knows what Im saying. I hope the angel gives some peace and love to Sam.

I still get the question of feeling a loss or regret.. and my answers the same. Im Happy I was her surrogate. I go through some emotional days where Im still in disbelief that every things happened and that usually goes with a sappy text to Sam (*smiles*) but its true. I miss the closeness Sam and I had for months tho. Going from talking/texting all the time and seeing each other at least 1-5x a month to life getting busy again and it going back to 'normal', so it has been a change. I knew it would happen and its not a bad thing at all, its just something thats apart of the gig. lol. She sends me pictures with updates and I must say it makes my day! *keep em coming hehe*.

The kids are busy with school and Im trying to get into the LPN program for next fall. With the new 'have to do's ' to get into the program Im a little stressed but trying to stay positive. The holidays are right around the corner and so is Olivias birthday in December. So lifes going to get even more hectic.. 









Next trip to fargo Sams going to do an update on our family photos. Im pretty darn excited Im already trying to figure out what everyones going to wear!!!